I nervously toyed with the edges of my napkin under the table, running my thumb over the satin seam and trying to keep my leg from bouncing too much.
‘You’re nervous,’ my wife said matter-of-factly, sitting next to me.
‘What?’ I said. ‘No I’m not. You’re nervous.’
‘Why would I be nervous?’ she laughed. ‘They’re your parents.’
‘I’m sure there was something in the vows about them being your parents now too,’ I said, fighting the urge to loosen my tie.
‘Thank god, they’re here,’ my wife sighed, standing up with a forced smile. ‘So we don’t have to unpack that right away.’
I greeted them both, doing my best impression of somebody who wasn’t terrified and was, in fact, happy to be seeing his elderly parents at a fancy restaurant on a weeknight.
‘How are the kids?’ my mother asked, settling into her chair.
‘Bathtub,’ I blurted out. My wife dropped her head in her hands with an audible thump.
‘What?’ my dad looked up from the menu, frowning behind his comically large glasses.
‘Nothing, I, uh…’ I gulped.
‘Just say it, Howard,’ my wife rolled her eyes, picking up her glass.
‘We’ve been thinking,’ I started, ignoring her glare. ‘That you might need to look into some sort of bath modifications. Sydney has so many amazing contractors who can—’
‘What’s wrong with our bath?’ my mother asked, frowning. ‘It works fine.’
‘It’s not the bath he’s worried about,’ my wife cut in, mercifully. ‘It’s you guys.’
‘Us?’ my dad’s frown deepend. ‘Why are you worried about us?’
‘You both are getting a bit… frail lately,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘And I’m worried if we don’t look into some sort of—’
‘What?’ my mother snapped, slamming her menu shut. ‘Some sort of bathtub cut out for elderly people to use safely?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Actually, exactly that. How did you—’
‘Our friends are getting old too,’ my dad sighed. ‘We’ve actually been talking about it for a while…’
‘Over my dead body!’ my mother scowled, grabbing her purse and slowly standing up.
‘Well,’ my dad sighed. ‘I’ve been talking about it.’